FIVE STEPS TO TOUCH GREATNESS

Hey, I'm Brock. HP hired me to be your personal trainer for the Touch-Laptop Regionals. Let's get started.

First: Finger stretches. Here, do some with me. One--ok I'm done. Ow. You keep going.

Second: Touch technique. I got us a practice touch screen, just...ok no, don't JAB it like that. Gentle. Gentle. No, you're still jab--let's just move on.

Third: Push-ups. Not necessary to use the touch laptop, I just like demonstrating how many push-ups I can do. And.........seven. Whew, ok.

Fourth: Spiritual awakening. We all--hey, come back here. This is serious. We all must face demons in our lives in order to touch the divine. So--ok fine, we won't do this, stop throwing spaghetti at me.

Fifth: Quads. We gotta work your quad-core, so boot up your HP. Ok, that should do it.

Alright, I think you're ready for the big time. Good luck, I'll take my check now because I really need to pay back the loan sharks who've threatened to de-leg my lawn flamingos. Those flamingos are my life's work.



Specifications:
Processor: AMD A8-6410 2.0GHz Accelerated Processor
(Turbo up to 2.4GHz)
2MB L2 Cache
Processor Core: Quad-Core
Screen Size: 15.6"
Aspect Ratio: 16:9
Resolution: 1366 x 768
Display Type: HD BrightView LED-backlit Touchscreen
Graphics: AMD Radeon HD 8210 graphics
Memory: 4GB DDR3L SDRAM (1 DIMM)
Hard Drive: 500GB 5400RPM hard drive
Optical Drive: SuperMulti DVD burner
Network: 10/100 BASE-T Ethernet
Wireless: 1x1 802.11b/g/n WLAN
Bluetooth: No
Card Reader: Multi-Format SD Card Reader
Battery: 3-Cell Lithium-Ion
Sound: HD Audio with stereo speakers
Webcam: Yes
Microphone: Integrated
Keyboard: Full-Size Island-Style with Numeric Keypad
Pointing Device: Touchpad supporting multi-touch gestures without on/off button
Fingerprint Reader: No
I/O Ports:
HDMI: 1
USB 3.0: 2
USB 2.0: 1
RJ-45: 1
Combo Headphone/Mic Jack: 1
Operating System:
Genuine Windows 8.1 (64-bit)
Power:
45W AC Adapter
3-Cell 31WHr 2.8Ah Lithium-Ion Battery
Dimensions:
15.18"(W) x 0.97"(H) x 10.16"(D)
Weight:
5.67 lbs

In the box:

  • HP 15-F100DX 15.6" Touchscreen Notebook, AMD A8-6410 Quad-Core 2.0GHz, 500GB SATA, 4GB DDR3, 802.11n, Win8.1
  • 3-cell Lithium-Ion battery
  • AC Adapter

Phew

Did you get here earlier and see no writeup? Ha HA! It was a test! To, um, illustrate just how hard it is to see your work without a worklight! And now you can see the writeup, because we're illustrating just how easy it is to do your job WITH a worklight. Nope. Certainly wasn't a mistake at all. Just a demonstration of how a worklight can enchance your life.

Phew. I think they bought it.



In the Box:

  • (1) Energetic Lighting Extended Life MPL1001-LED15K840 15 Watt LED Portable Worklight

Lobby of Secrets

They sure do look dandy, don't they? Well, what if we were to tell you that each member of the Lobby Crew had a dark secret that they didn't want you finding out about?

It's TRUE! And HERE is the proof... if YOU DARE!




[TITLE]

Boy, these wines have a lot in common with the television show that shares the same name. And having seen all the episodes of that show, which appears on [NAME OF CHANNEL], we are definitely prepared to identify some hilarious parallels between the show and these wines.

For example, have you ever noticed how [NAME OF MAIN CHARACTER] is elegant and luscious? Well these wines are also elegant and luscious! Hahahaha same thing.

It is also funny that [NAME OF ANTAGONIST] spent a lot of time doing [BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSED CONFLICT]. That's sort of like how these wines spent time in French Oak barrels before bottling!

And hey, wasn't it [ADJECTIVE] when [CHARACTER] was dealing with [PLOT POINT]? We'd say that's comparable to the malolactic fermentation these vintages underwent to retain their creamy and buttery character! Nailed it!

As you can see, the wine and the television show are very similar! What a wacky world.



2011 Trueblood Chardonnay, Carneros, Napa Valley 750ml 2-Pack

This vintage went through a partial malolactic fermentation enabling the wine to retain all the luscious fruit flavors while giving it a creamy finish.

  • Alcohol: 14%


2012 Trueblood Chardonnay, Carneros, Napa Valley 750ml 2-Pack

This vintage underwent 100% malolactic fermentation giving it a more buttery feel than the 2011 vintage.

  • Alcohol: 14.5%

You think you know

There's more to Hexbugs than just their love of bug-to-bug combat. Like any creature, they have their own distinctive traits and behaviors. For example:

  • Hexbugs shed their skin daily. Sometimes, if they don't like how they look post-shedding, they'll put the recently shed skin back on. And sometimes, if they can't tell which looks better, they'll keep taking off the skin and putting it back on, taking it off, putting it back on, over and over again, until, after a while, the other bugs get antsy and say, "C'mon, Hexy, we're gonna miss the movie!"
  • Hexbugs are born with an innate knowledge of how to play the banjo that borders on virtuosity. However, they aren't born with the innate understanding that, hey, maybe it's a good idea to PUT DOWN THE BANJO once in a while, because not everyone wants to feel like they're living in an Earl Friggin' Scruggs concert every friggin' minute of their friggin' lives.
  • Hexbugs never sleep. That means, if you're flying next to a Hexbug, and it "falls asleep" on your shoulder, it's actually just flirting with you. But a word to the wise: don't reprimand the Hexbug for its flirtation, unless you want to listen to it gently weep for the rest of the flight.

That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the Hexbug's quirks and eccentricities. Our point here: don't judge a book by its cover. Also: you should buy this Hexbug stuff.



HEXBUGS Nano Elevation Habitat Set
Features: - Pieces easily connect and disconnect
- Working doors
- Customizable track
- Register and play online
Box Dimensions: 17" x 14" x 4"
Batteries: 2 AG13/LR44 batteries required, included
Model Number: 477-2118
Origin: China

In the Box:

HEXBUGS Nano Elevation Habitat Set includes:

  • (52) Easy Connect Pieces
  • (2) HEGBUG Nano Specimens
  • Instructions to show how pieces connect

HBRR

Ms. Rachel Ray: Happy Birthday! Well, not today, of course, but soon. That's why we're hoping you start planning all your baking needs today, so that you'll be ready on August 25th. That's your birthday, Rachel Ray! But you knew that already, didn't you? Of course you did.

Rachel Ray, if you're thinking about baking yourself a cake, we support it fully. But we'd advise you to bake that cake using stuff in this bakeware set. It'll be quick (well, as quick as baking can be) and easy and best of all, it'll be all about YOU! Which is what you deserve, of course, as the birthday girl.

Anyway, here, we got you this birthday gift. The dude at the store said it was one of a kind. It's a Daytime Emm- what? You've already got one? You've got MORE than one? Wow. WOW. That's nuts.

So, um... when's that delicious cake gonna be ready?



In the Box:

(1) Rachael Ray 52410 10-Piece Cucina Nonstick Bakeware Set, Latte Brown includes:

  • (2) 10"x15" Baking Sheets
  • (1) 9"x13" Cake Pan with Lid
  • (2) 9" Round Cake Pans
  • (1) 9" Square Cake Pan
  • (1) 2-Piece Meatloaf Pan
  • (1) 12-Cup Muffin Pan

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