You're an air expert?


What kind of air experience do you have?

JANDUS: I breathe a lot of it.

So what makes the Claritin a superior air purifier?

JANDUS: Snakes.

Excuse me?

JANDUS: After Claritin develops their latest prototype, they ask an unbiased panel of snakes whether the air smells better.


JANDUS: Rest assured, the snakes are judiciously interviewed and undergo a careful screening process before they are admitted to the panel.

Where did you hear this?

JANDUS: I saw it. With my own three eyes.


JANDUS: Yes. My inner seeing eye, the eye that sees the true light in all things, is my third and most important organ of vision.

And did your third eye see the snake panel?

JANDUS: No, I saw it with all my eyes. In a dream after a particularly intense taco.

I think this interview is over.

JANDUS: No it isn't. It keeps going long after you and I are gone from this Earth.


Dimensions: 10.3" x 12.8" x 30"

In the Box:

  • (1) Claritin True HEPA Perm Filter 30" Tower Purifier- Pick Color

Open It Up

Use this: to model your 3D masterpiece, "The Thinkpadder," an update of the Rodin for the digital age.

Don't use this: when you time-travel back to 1998 to convince people that you're from the future.

Benjamin Franklin said of this: "It's great, but how do I erase my browsing history after each session?"

A real Amazon review of this product states that: "I am also considering using a very delicate version of sandpaper to get rid of the little bumps (as they do seem to wear off eventually) but I am worried about damaging the thing for good ..."

Lost in the wilderness with only this product, you could survive by: using it as a squirrel trap that isn't nearly as funny as this one.

Processor: Intel Core i5-2520M 2.5GHz (Turbo up to 3.2GHz)
3MB Smart Cache
Processor Core: Dual-Core
Screen Size: 14"
Aspect Ratio: 16:9
Resolution: 1366 x 768
Display Type: WXGA HD Anti-Glare LED-backlit
Graphics: Intel HD Graphics 3000
Memory: 4GB DDR3 (expandable to 8GB)
Hard Drive: 320GB SATA 5400rpm
Optical Drive: SuperMulti DVD?RW
Network: 10/100/1000 Gigabit Ethernet
Wireless: 802.11a/g/n
Bluetooth: No
Card Reader: SD Card Reader
34mm ExpressCard
Battery: 6-Cell Lithium-Ion
Speakers: Stereo
Webcam: No
Keyboard: ThinkPad Precision Keyboard: island-style
Pointing Device: Touchpad
Fingerprint Reader: No
I/O Ports:
DisplayPort 1
VGA: 1
USB 2.0: 3 (1 Powered)
eSATA/USB 2.0 Combo: 1
RJ-45: 1
Express Card 34mm: 1
Combo Headphone/Mic Jack: 1
Operating System:
Genuine Windows 7 Professional (64-bit)
13.4"(W) x 1.2"(H) x 9.2"(D)
4.9 lbs

In the box:

  • Lenovo Thinkpad T420 14.1" Laptop, Intel Core i5-2520M 2.5GHz, 4GB DDR3, 320GB SATA, 802.11n, Win7Pro 64-bit
  • 6-Cell Lithium-Ion Battery
  • AC Adapter

plural: red pamdae

Lives in: Himalayas & China.

Also called: Red Bear-Cat, Red Cat-Bear, Brett Load-Cat, Deb Rod-Coat, Rad Dad-Bear, and Jeremy.

Appearance: Ridiculous.

Diet: Bamboo, small animals, eggs, hash browns and toast.

Size: Smaller when younger than when larger.

Habitat: Chews nails when nervous.

Reproduction: Eewww.


It never ends! Time for more learning eye-talian with Wine.Woot!

Grazie per avermi invitato alla vostra villa.

Thank you for inviting me to your villa.

No, io prometto che saro sul mio comportamento migliore.

No, I promise I'll be on my best behavior.

Un altro bicchiere, per favore.

Another glass, please.

Accidenti, sei sempre piu attraente, signora.

Gosh, you're increasingly attractive, madam.

Avete le spalle larghe di un maestoso orso.

You have the broad shoulders of a majestic bear.

Altro vino!

More wine!

Credo sbaglio ho avuto il "influenza adulto" in vaschetta, ambasciatore. Chiedo scusa.

I believe I accidentally had the "adult flu" in your birdbath, Ambassador. I apologize.

Il tuo amico orso signora e terribilmente sensibile.

Your bear-lady friend is awfully sensitive.

Tua sorella? Chi sapeva?

Your sister? Who knew?

Uh-oh. Non mi sento bene. Dov'e la vaschetta piu vicino?

Uh-oh. I don't feel well. Where's the nearest birdbath?

  • Vineyards: 100% Mendocino County
  • Alcohol: 13.5%
  • Cooperage: Aged 22 Months - 40% in neutral American oak, 60% in redwood tanks
  • TA: 0.50 G/100ML
  • pH: 3.74
  • Bottled: November 2009

No Touchy

Buy this thermometer: if you need a temperature read-out, like, yesterday.

Don't buy this thermometer: if you prefer long walks on the beach while waiting for an accurate temp.

In 99% of uses, this thermometer: will not be manipulated by being breathed on heavily.

Left to its own devices, this thermometer: would go ice fishing for a change of pace.

Alternate names for this thermometer include: the TherMOMeter, or "Mo" for short.

SantaMedical RY-230 Non-Contact Infrared Thermometer
Dimensions: 7.1 x 5.2 x 2.6 inches
Item Weight: 4.8 ounces
Power Usage: 2 AAA batteries, included
Battery Life: 100,000 readings (approximate)
Screen: LCD Digital Screen

In the box:

  • (1) SantaMedical RY-230 Non-Contact Infrared Thermometer
  • (2) AAA batteries
  • Instructions

Not For Use In Space Travel

Who's there? Oh, I see. It's you again, boy. Still wondering about this dusty old room? It's just the way it was the day HE left me standing in my wedding dress. And look over there. See that? That's my FoodSaver Vacuum Food Sealer & Starter Kit. I used it to save all the food just the way it was when HE left me standing by the buffet.

And look there! Look there! See those sealed up bags? That's all the champagne we were going to drink when HE left me standing- oh, you think it's cute to interrupt, boy? Maybe you won't think it's so cute when I dock your paycheck a shilling!

What do you mean "just a shilling"? A shilling can buy a boy like you a fine dinner and carriage fair home to your- wait, really? It's WHAT year? No. NO. The 21st Century?

Wow. I really should have gotten over this a while ago, huh? Say, you think all that sealed food is still good? It'd be a shame to just throw it out after... oof. Maybe let's not count up the years on this one, huh?

In the Box:

(1) FoodSaver FSFSSL2222-P15 Vacuum Food Sealer & Starter Kit includes

  • Vacuum Food Sealer
  • (1) 11" x 10' FoodSaver? Roll
  • (3) Quart Size FoodSaver? Bags
  • (2) Gallon Size FoodSaver? Bags
  • (1) Accessory Hose

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